No, this isn’t a post on what a beautiful thing love is/can be/forever will be.
The perfect man (or woman, or alien, or pet or -insert whatever-)? a funny simple illusion. But if we archive this impossible dream, you truly can find something unique.
Whenever I write about relationships I always do so with sarcasm. But just this one time I want to write an honest tribute to the imperfect love, the one where you get your hands dirty with reality – a reality that’s ever changing, twisted, charmful, intermittent – rather than chasing the illusion of a still-picture postcard, or the fake idyll of a movie. I’ll admit I once believed that’s what love was. I’d look at certain happy couples who were perfect only in appearance and I’d assume that’s what everyone should aim for. But of course, after reality smacks you on the face multiple times you realise you eventually learn to take life for what is. It’s the eternal struggle between the sparkling dream and the prosaic acknowledgment of the facts, that rude awakening and the discovery that life is complicated and even love can be a struggle.
The other is different from us, and is probably full of things that are wrong. However, in the face of imperfections, of flaws, of difficulties, we immediately think “They’re not the right person”. But the truth is that the right person doesn’t exist, at least not entirely. There’s just the person we choose, who is unique. And whom we should accept, as much as ourselves, to be just that.
I’m not saying that two people should stay together inevitably and in spite of everything. Recognizing the complexity of human beings and understanding the rules of love are two very different things.
But love is a game and sometimes we lose. And we can blame it on fate, on bad timing, on maybe ifs and on a million other different things, but the reality won’t change. It would be so much simpler if we realised sooner rather than later that
the water is low and the duck doesn’t float time is short and it’s better not to waste it with unnecessary drama and to take people as they come.
“Reality is more complicated and morally far less clear than we can imagine. Things are always a mysterious and interesting mixture of good and bad.” – Alain de Botton