I opened a fashion magazine and that was my first mistake. But in my defense I was at the beach, and under the influence of the ongoing heat, so I’m excused from all sins.

Those tear-jerking stories that Elle and Vogue make us go through, projecting us into the near future in which, I am sure, we’ll be surrounded by yet more abominable shit and questionable trends, are strong things to digest. I’m warning you, do not do it unless you’re sitting somewhat near a toilette, just for safety, as you would do during a Friday night spent in “Big Lebowski” style.

Why spoil such a beautiful world? Aren’t questionable fashion trends just as serious as pollution, the ozone depletion, the bureaucracy of government practices and the end of Gossip Girl!?

Luckily, I can console myself with the knowledge that among these horrors we’ll also be able to find gingham prints, black and white, navy blue, white lace, shirtdresses, florals and denim. Below, however, are a series of pictures, vision of which is only recommended to an adult public, even better if gastrointestinally protected.

NEW SUNGLASSES SHAPES

Here, I got the first set of ventricular extrasystoles. A blow to the heart at the sight of these big, square things. To wear only in the case of Guinness World Record dark circles.

OVERALLS FOR A BUMBLE BEE WORKER

Also known as jumpsuit of Satan that only those who do not abuse of carbohydrates have the option of wearing. In this shade of sand it becomes intolerable,  #H&M Shit Award 2015.

ORTHOPEDIC CLOGS

As if normal clogs weren’t bad enough, Marc Jacobs decided to take the piss and come out with a collection in which he revisits the infamous Dr. Scholl clogs.