Raise your hand if you’ve resisted the temptation to buy one of those sober acrylic-mixed-wool itchy Christmas jumpers form the H&M holiday collection featuring Katy Perrys Christmas elves and full of sequins and sparkles that will be lost in the complex abyss of our washing machines.
I bought a black one with glittery mistletoe and a grey one hashtagged Elfie selfie…and I’m even full of regret for not getting the LED light up reindeer one. One of the two that I did buy is nominated for Christmas dinner, the other one for the couch while I watch Nightmare before Christmas.
For the Christmas outfit matter I only have three rules and a bit of random Pinterest inspiration that highlights my love for black, lace, tartan, sparkly things and gold.
♠ I’d say no to wearing jeans on Christmas, unless you’re thirteen and used to walking your dog round the neighbourhood with One Direction playing in your extra big headphones. But maybe not even then, since thirteen year olds these day dress (and look) like they’re in their forties and I’m here wondering if as a result they’ll reach menopause early.
♠ Avoid wearing every gift received. The problem is that some people wear everything together, appearing to dinner as a multilayer clothes hanger featuring random pieces here and there and causing great injustice for not featuring the new pajama courtesy of -insert random relative-.
♠ Finding that middle ground between nun-like and affreux-laide (from Wikipedia: the name of Laide, lady of Corinth, famous for her beauty, her vices and her high rates). And here we’re talking length of skirt, neckline and overexposure of the abdominal-lumbosacral area. Choose one and only one.